08 Jul Love – What Goes Around
Love is…
Love is wonderful! Life is fantastic when the world feels like you are surrounded by love. Love is patient, love is kind, so the saying goes. Love is magical. However, love is also complicated and convoluted. You may love your friends, you may love your family, your partner and your children and people in general.
People are people
Friends are the family you choose for yourself because not everybody has the beautiful family that we would all love to have. Even in close families, you may find yourself being let down by a parent or sibling because of preconceived ideas and expectations.
I once read a short poem, which basically said you learn more when on your knees rather than when standing tall. My understanding of this was you learn more about yourself, your family and your friends are when going through life’s challenges – whether the obstacles are theirs or yours.
People will disappoint you also so be aware of whether they are disappointing you or whether it is your preconceived thoughts and expectations of them that frustrate you. Were your expectations realistic?
What Goes Around Comes Around
What goes around comes around, so they say. Are you lucky enough to have a friend or family member in your life and feel 100% loved because you know they have your back and you have theirs?
Treat people well. Love can be shown in many ways. Have you heard of the five love languages? According to Gary Chapman, the author of The 5 Love Languages, people show love in numerous ways:
1. Physical Touch – holding hands, cuddling, touching, etc.
2. Words of Affirmation – compliments, encouragement
3. Quality – spending time together and giving your undivided attention
4. Gifts – something they created, bought, a flower from the garden
5. Acts of Service – doing something helpful such as vacuuming, washing dishes etc.
What is your preferred ‘language’? Do you receive love in the language you like? For instance, do you feel unloved because you’re receiving love in a different way you show it? You’ll notice that your partner gives in their preferred love language and you do too – unless you have read that book and purposefully are considerate in your partner and children’s love language.
We are complex beings, and this is just one area to be mindful of so that you can give love to your loved ones and help them feel loved by ‘speaking’ to them in their preferred love language.
Love thyself
Loving yourself is extremely important. When you look after yourself, you are better equipped to look after your family.
By focussing on a characteristic each week, you will start the week by being aware of what the ‘weekly characteristic’ is. You will go about your day, and when it is appropriate, the characteristic will come to mind, because it is already in your subconscious and arises to your conscious mind when needed. You will just know what you need to do at any given time.
Thoughts determine actions
When each thought comes into your head and depending on how you choose to react to those thoughts, you will go home at the end of each day and put your head on your pillow and either feel good because you have acted positively, or you will realise how you could have exercised it instead. This is how you begin to be aware of your behaviour and feel that you ‘did good’ and consequently feel happy within yourself or recognise how you could have done something different and had a better outcome.
Above all, when you feel good about yourself, you have more self-love. Self-love happens with self-awareness – of who you are and who you want to be. You feel good about yourself more and more each day. You become more confident in small segments, which leads to feeling more satisfied within which then impacts how you present to others, which is confidently, of course!
In conclusion, great people do not need to prove they are significant to others, great people are comfortable and happy with who they are. Great people do not compete for the attention of others or compare themselves with others. Great people have that inner confidence. They know they are doing their best, do not beat themselves up when the best thing was not done and learn from the experience by recognising what they could have done better for the next time they are placed in a similar situation.
The balance of Love
Nobody is perfect. No parent is perfect. No child is perfect. We are all complex humans beings. Be the best person you can and accept that your parents did the best they could with the knowledge and skill they had at the time.
You can never give too much love, but you can give to the point where you feel that you are giving because you want to show someone love but are disadvantaging and disabling someone.
Never allow someone to disrespect you because you are under the illusion that they love you. Never let anyone harm you physically. Be aware of emotional abuse. Trust your instincts. Be mindful of giving away too much and taking away life’s lessons.
When you give too much or too little, you disadvantage yourself and your children. Nobody ever gets it 100% right all the time – to yourself, your parents, your partner and your children always remember to strive to do your best so choose to be kind, be kind, be kind.
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