Respect – giving and receiving

01 Apr Respect – giving and receiving

What is respect?

This question was asked of me once and I recall it like it was yesterday, you know those moments when you are so surprised by something that you remember where you were and what you were doing at the time? Sarah* was 18 at the time and I had known her for a few years at that stage when she asked me ‘What is respect?’. I pulled out a virtues card which I felt could explain it better than I could and read it to her. We then discussed what we thought it was and what this new perspective provided to both of us. The reason I was so surprised to be asked that question is because Sarah* always treated everyone with the utmost respect and I admired her so because of it. Respect is a mixture of courtesy, openness, understanding and consideration.

Treating people with respect

We spoke about everybody having the right to be treated with respect and that it wasn’t necessary to like a person but it was very important to treat someone with courtesy and respect because that is how we would all like to be treated.

In addition, as humans we feel uncomfortable when we see someone being treated with disrespect. There are many times when strangers have gone to the aid of others who were being treated unjustly due to their strong personal beliefs or values. We have watched the news and seen this happen on numerous occasions. However, displays of people being treated with a lack of respect have created a sense of unity, this can happen to an individual on a train or plane, or in larger groups such as the recently shooting in Christchurch, New Zealand.

Actions, not words

Respect is something that is freely given. Respect is not something you can take although some people in power may feel, or believe, that their position demands respect. Whether you are a CEO of a company, a doctor, a lawyer, a politician, a celebrity, a manager, a team leader, a teacher – it doesn’t matter. What is most important is how you treat other people. People in powerful positions have no more right to being treated with respect than the person you pass on the street.

Furthermore, a person who holds a powerful position, for whatever reason is in a leadership position. They are a leader in the sense that they may be admired for their talent on the football field, or because they are a great singer or performer, a brilliant businessman, a company owner or a child’s sport coach. They are in the prime position to help others rise up to their level by educating and therefore empowering others who wished to follow in their footsteps.

Raising kids with respect

Raising kids and teaching them about valuing themselves and others makes it easier for them to make decisions when they are older based on principles instilled in them when they were young. Sure, they might go off the rails at some stage but basically if their sense of self-worth is strong this will assist them during life’s challenging moments.

If children are taught about values as they grow they are likely to have a sense of awareness and examine their thoughts and actions and strive to be true to themselves. It is said that when we focus on one characteristic, in this case respect, we practice other characteristics.

For example if you were to focus on being respectful to someone who you may not think highly of you start being open to different perceptions and look at things differently than you may have otherwise.

You start to create a different understanding of why people do the things they do. You learn more about personalities, cultures and their backgrounds. By treating someone with courtesy and respect you can even find common ground again after a fall out or major misunderstanding. Try it!

The downside to respect

When people are in powerful positions because they are famous, they may feel the pressure to act a certain way. We all are given choices each and every day, and having a strong awareness of your own standards makes choices easier to make. When decisions are made based on personal integrity it is clear what conduct will and won’t benefit you.

People who admire you may put you on a pedestal – that’s OK. Believing that you have to live up to their expectations is not OK, and believing that you are not worthy of their respect is not OK either. Having an unrealistic perspective of your own strengths, and frailities, because we all have them, might be ego, power and control based. Focus on character qualities instead.

Just be true to yourself. Focus on respect for yourself and those around you and life will be good! Just be kind, be kind, be kind.

*Sarah – name changed to protect privacy

How do you build character?

Focus on one characteristic a week. As a result you will discover that when the opportunity arises the weekly characteristic will come to mind. You will intuitively know when and how to apply it. Characteristics aren’t something that you gain and then you have. You constantly ‘become’ who you wish to be – life is a journey, not a destination. In conclusion, life The ride is easier when you focus on deepening and strengthing your characteristics. When times are tough you will discover how resilient you are. Feeling content is another benefit.

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